I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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