He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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