my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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