You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize