I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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