Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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