he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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