I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize