We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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