I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize