our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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