My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize