I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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