i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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