I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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