i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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