Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
