I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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