Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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