take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize