you guys were way drunker than both of me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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