Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
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the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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