Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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