that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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