i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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