That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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