After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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