either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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