and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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