it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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