Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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