Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
