why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize