What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize