hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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