I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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