Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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