Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize