Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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