Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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