I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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We had to coat check the pizza.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize