I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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