Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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