So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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