found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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