just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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