I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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