Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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