Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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