I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize